“Green Market Humor” by MDC

BabyArtichokesSince they’re in season I thought a joke about artichokes would be appropriate. And so, the story goes something like this: Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had, turned out wrong. He thought to himself, “If I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I could do well.” He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN. The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, “I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN.  Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want, I mean really rub them out.” Well that same afternoon, Arti receives his 1st inquiry. The caller asks if it’s true that Arti would indeed kill anyone? Arti assured him that it was the case and he would definitely do the deed under any circumstance, as he was truely desperate for money. The man on the phone told Arti he wanted him to kill his wife. Arti said, “Fine, but how much will you pay me?” The man replied, “$1.00.” Arti said, “No way man, bullets cost more than that!” The man replied, “Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don’t want to be obligated.” Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice to further his new business venture, so he said, “OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?” The man said, “In the produce department at Food-Mart, every day at four o’clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something.” Arti decides that he will go to the market, wait for the wife and then choke her. His logic is that he will at least save himself the money on the cost of bullets. The next day Arti goes to the market and sure enough, the wife is in the produce department of Food-Mart complaining about the fruit being either too hard or too soft. Arti reaches behind her grabs her neck and chokes the life out of her. As she falls to the floor, she gasps for air. The manager of the produce department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him too. Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her, chokes her and runs out of the supermarket before the cops come to the scene. Despite his attempt to feeel the crime Arti is captured only one short block away. His new career has wound him up in jail. The next morning the man’s who hired Arti, picks up the local morning paper and to his pleasure what does the headline of the newspaper read? ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR AT FOOD-MART!


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